Venting, it’s the polite way of describing moaning and complaining. Do you know anyone that spends quite a lot of their day complaining about things? They usually call it “venting” and do it either with their friends, their spouse, work colleagues, family or really anybody else that will listen?
They think by getting it off their chest they are making themselves feel better but they are only fooling themselves. By spending time venting, complaining, moaning, whatever you want to call it, they are spending their time dwelling on the negative things in their life and telling their subconscious mind to look out for more of the same.
This can range from complaining about their current job, or slagging off one of their workmates, or moaning about their kids. It can be telling the same story of a bad experience over and over, to anybody that will listen, glorifying how horrible the experience was! It can be going over and over frustrations they have in work, or at home, or in their social life. Basically, venting is complaining about anything they see as negative in their life. Spending hours and hours wallowing in anger or frustrations or sadness or nastiness towards others.
So here’s the crucial message here for everyone, your mind can’t focus on everything … it just can’t! There is just far too much happening in the world, far too much detail, every second of your life so it relies on you (by your actions and where you focus your attention) to tell it what is important to you. So when you’re venting or complaining over and over, what you are actually doing is telling your mind “This is what we focus us on, we focus on the bad, the frustration / sadness / bad situations / anger … get finding me some more!!” Seriously, that is what you are doing!
Everybody is guilty of “venting” at some point but once you know the impact it has on your mood and view of life you’ll do it less and less. I do understand that after you do a bit of venting you feel a sense of relief for ten minutes or half an hour after it but all it has done is get it out (the relief) and reinforced how bad things are! After the initial relief, all that is left is the continuing programming of your mind with how awful the situation is and how important it is for you to find MORE awful similar situations. If you find that you have encountered so many bad experiences over the years, one after another, has it occurred to you that maybe you’re out there looking for the bad, instead of expecting the good?
How do you usually feel after a long bout of complaining? Is it upbeat and cheerful? I strongly doubt it. You may initially have felt relief but that won’t last as you start to find more and more things to annoy you. The lasting effect of hearing how bad things are or shouting out how frustrated you are, will only leave long lasting anger or misery. You can delete all these bad feelings and negative default settings from your mind by focusing on the good stuff you have and good experiences you’ve been through. It takes effort, you have to make it a habit by doing whatever it takes to focus on the good in your life every day. Let a positive attitude and focus gradually delete your strong default setting of searching out the bad.
Just know that it’s all linked up, if you focus on crap, more crap will happen and you’ll feel miserable. If you keep going over in your head or out loud how bad things are, they WILL keep happening and just get worse and worse, and your mood day by day will be dragged down into the gutter. You may have been through some bad experiences, I have no doubt. You may be in a bad situation, that might be the case. You may have been treated really badly, unfairly by others, if you say that’s the case then it likely is. All I can say is, by clinging onto the anger towards these old experiences or current situation or nasty people all you are doing is DAMAGING yourself. Only YOU, nobody else! Your story is only half way through, you can write the next chapter yourself and make it the one where you start focusing on the good in the world instead of the bad.
I can guarantee you if anybody spent a few days focusing ONLY on the bad things in their life that they’d feel pretty lousy by the end of it, of course they would. Just imagine those that do this EVERY day (and sadly in today’s world there are SO many like his), no wonder they are disillusioned with life! They’re too busy looking for the bad in the world that they never think to change it and look for the good instead. Trust me, if you keep making the effort to switch your focus onto good and what you are grateful for, more good will happen.
From my own experience, you won’t wake up every day feeling cheerful and amazing, nobody does but for the days you wake up under the weather or in a down mood you can change it by taking 10 minutes to focus on just how lucky you really are. Write it all down if you have to, whatever it takes to make you start feeling grateful. Some days if I start off a bit down I now have the ability to build myself up into a positive mood and usually end up beaming like a Cheshire cat. These are the days when I’ve CHOSE to make the day better for myself, so I’ve spent time looking at the good things happening recently in my life or how lucky I am. You CAN choose to do the same, every day if you want to.
All I’m telling you is, having anger or frustrations on ANY level, discussing or dwelling on them for ANY amount of time is damaging you. It IS getting you down and CAUSING the troubles you’re finding in your life.
Life WILL, I promise, WILL get better if you start looking for the good. Practice gratitude, pat yourself on the back for what you’ve done in the past and what you achieve today. Try thanking YOURSELF for all the GOOD stuff you’ve done in the past, instead of PUNISHING yourself for the things you think you did wrong? Start talking about people’s good qualities instead of flaws, start talking about the things your company does well intead of the one or two petty things that annoy you. Try looking at your life and everything you have in it with love instead of anger.
For the love of god and for the benefit of yourself, stop glorifying all the bad and start celebrating the good!
Keep positive my friends,