There are many bad experiences and situations in life which leave us feeling troubled, weak, fearful, scared, insecure, angry, resentful, pessimistic and negative. I’m sure you could add to this list! The scale on which these feelings weigh can be slight to extreme, but if we harbour them, we lose sight of our potential and become stuck and unable to move forward. We lose faith and courage in our innate abilities. The great news is we all have access to these innate abilities, but lose our way because we have been blighted by our own reactions to situations, which in turn hinder us in being able to move forward. How we react to situations can have a huge bearing on how we live our future.

Of course, anyone who has had experience of extreme adversity in childhood or adulthood should seek professional help where possible, but for others there are behaviours we can examine in the quest to help us move forward.

Here are some behaviours to consider and inwardly reflect upon. On a scale of 1-10, rate how true the statements are. To arrive at a true reflective position on the scale, ask yourself is this me, to what extent, in what situations, how does it really make me feel, is it a barrier to growth and happiness? Below, are the most common behaviours which could possibly be holding you back.  Which ones do you associate with the most? What measures can you put into place from preventing them in future?

1. I’m hard on myself. Take it easy if you are! You’ve made a mistake(s), we all do, some bigger than others. We all need to encounter mistakes in our life for us to realise what we do want, and put plans in place to ensure the mistake doesn’t happen again. Pick yourself up, learn from the experience and it’ll be easier to move forward. Just don’t give yourself a bruising for it.
2. I play safe. Dreams are usually found at a destination we haven’t been to, and it’s not the easiest place to find either! If you come across those few people who have been on the road less travelled, they won’t tell you it was an easy route, but one which moved them out with their comfort zone, allowed them to see their potential and capabilities, they’ll say it was a rich but often uncomfortable experience, but now they’re at their destination, have gained previously unknown happiness and one which makes future dreams more plausible to attain.
3. I doubt my dreams and desires. On a scale of 1-10, I recently scored 8 for my doubting behaviour. I’m started looking into buying a new business and quickly realised not to seek validation from certain individuals. Yes, they are only trying to be supportive, but they do tell you all the things you don’t want to hear; basically all the pitfalls. Not a bad thing, but 9 times out of 10 you’ve asked yourself the questions they are posing to you and the responses you get can set you back to the point of self disbelief. Believe, feed those thoughts, feel and see it happening, and importantly, surround yourself with people who can genuinely help you on your journey; people with a positive mindset and people who have experience in the area you wish to move forward to. Those who have been in your shoes are more likely to spur you in the right direction compared to those that haven’t.
4. The glass is half empty. So much time and energy is wasted by people thinking why they aren’t good enough, or why they can’t be a success. Now, this information, if used correctly can be a good thing as it highlights areas for personal development. However, continually feeding your subconscious mind with negative affirmations will serve you a self destruct button. Re-affirm every day that you are going to reach your goal and why. Thought and felt with conviction, it can turn a situation around full circle.
5. I am easily influenced by negative people. How do you feel being in the company of such people, or shortly thereafter? Don’t agree with them for the sake of it. Stand your ground and turn the situation around to your (positive) thinking where possible. Keep or attract people who add value to your life, and don’t allow certain people or situations to suck the life out of you.
6. I am in control of my own life. If not, why? Do you find it easier for others to make life choices for you? Has it brought true happiness to you? How does someone else deciding what is right for you directly benefit you? Are you to lazy or unambitious to make your own decisions? If you haven’t already decided what’s in your own best interests, start planning now and execute each of your plans. You’ll develop strength of character in the process and new ideas and creations will flow from your experience. It’s a positive cycle.
7. I give up easily. If ever you need reminding of the power of perseverance, I urge you to read/watch the story ‘Three feet from Gold’. It gives the most golden illustration for why we should never quit. The most common cause of failure is the habit of quitting when overtaken by temporary defeat. Winners never quit and quitters never win. Don’t stop now! Keep plugging away. You can do it! Resilience will carry you through.
8. I ignore past lessons. Everything happens for a reason and you can learn and grow from through recognising this. When something bad happens, and it will, find the lesson behind it. What could you have done better? What would you do if faced with the same situation in the future? Prepare for success in every area of life.
9. I hold on to resentment. Resentment serves only to live your life in the past and through time become very bitter. We cannot move forward and improve our life and relationships if we are to hold close to our hearts the slings and arrows bestowed on us by others. People will value and respect you more for sharing positive offerings about a person or situation. Focus on the positives. You’ll begin to feel good and life will be a more joyous experience. Let someone else deal with the negatives. It’s only sapping you of your good energies – the ones needed in order for you to move forward!

Although some of you may not think it at present, remember you are a truly amazing individual. Stop denying yourself from being the person you want to be and start the process of allowing your hopes, dreams and aspirations to be borne, honed and developed. Of course, this takes courage, as does anything worthwhile in life, but do you really want t look back on life feeling regret because you’ve not allowed yourself to live the life you deserve, we all deserve? Remember, no one has the right to your dreams. They may share it, but nevertheless do nothing about it as that takes courage, but it is up to you to shape it into something utterly unique and fruitful.

Respect,

Hazel