If you’re like many people that consider themselves to be “not quite as happy as they could be”, I can guarantee you without even meeting you that you have been consciously or unconsciously spending too much of your time focusing on the things you don’t want, your frustrations and the bad in the world rather than what you actually do want, how lucky you are and the good things in your life.
It is a simple habit to get into but the damage it causes can be a huge. Luckily it is also easy to get out of, if you know it’s happening.
Many people believe there is a universal law called the Law of Attraction (Google it if you don’t believe me, even Celebrities believe it), which basically says you draw into your life more of what you are focusing on right now. This Law of Attraction says that if you spend your time complaining and moaning about things there is a 100% chance you will continue to find more and more things to complain and moan about.
It might be that this law is truly in motion or it might just be that you find more of whatever you put your focus and energy on!
Your subconscious mind can’t highlight every little detail of every situation, there’s just too much going on so it highlights to you the details that you have set as your default.
So if you’ve spent most of your time every day focusing on the bad stuff it will highlight more of the same to you.
Think about it, do you know anyone that goes around looking to find stuff to be offended by? That is their default setting. Do you know anyone that goes around continually finding “bad luck”? That is their default setting, that is what they are expecting. Do you know anyone that goes around being amazed by the world? That is their default setting, they want to enjoy life. You set your priorities by what you focus on.
I’ve noticed this myself for a while now, if I get in a slump and start moaning all the time and focusing on frustrations I can be guaranteed to find more things to moan about.
On the flipside, when I’m feeling good, talking and thinking about how good things are and how good things might go, not coincidentally good things seem to keep falling into place.
Call this law of attraction or just your subconscious mind finding more of what you’ve obviously set as your priority, either way like clearly attracts like so why would you ever go back to focusing on bad things and thinking things will go wrong instead of going right?
So the simple message is start finding more of the good in your life by focusing more on gratitude for what you have, positive self-talk replacing negative thoughts about what might happen with positive thoughts about how it might just work out perfectly.
I’m not saying it’s an exact science, there are lots of other factors but needless to say if you focus constantly on bad stuff you’re going to feel down pretty much most of the time with a few exceptions and find much more of the same.
Here’s an example that I’m sure many people can relate to – You wake up one morning and you’re already in a downer mood because you have something ahead of you that day that you’re not looking forward to … then out of the blue something doesn’t go your way, say you accidentally bang your elbow with the door.
This is the exact bad start that any rubbish day would deserve. You start thinking “Man, this is going to be a bad day”. Next thing you know, with your mind still fully focused on how much this day is going to suck, you knock your cup of coffee over and make a huge mess.
All of sudden you start thinking “Why is this happening to me today of all days!”. Now you’re really in a stinker of a mood and just looking for more things to wind you up. You drop your keys when you’re opening the door, you can’t find the shoes you were going to wear then you go out to the car and would you believe it, the slow puncture you actually noticed days ago has caused the tire to now go completely flat … because of course, on today of all days, this was going to be the day your car problems got worse.
The list of things going wrong grows and grows until eventually you’re telling a friend at work about all your “bad” luck and you start to laugh about how ridiculous the day has been.
All of sudden you’re laughing about it, you start relaxing out of the horrible mood and things start turning around. You’re no longer expecting any more bad things to happen and things “miraculously” start to pick up.
Even the bad event you were dreading ends up being good because you’ve gotten out of the negative expectancy mood through laughing about the previous problems. Any of this sound familiar?
Here’s another example and one that I’ve faced myself numerous times in the past – you’re in a rush to get somewhere, before you leave work or home etc you’re thinking “Aw man, I hope it’s not a long queue at those traffic lights” or “I better not get caught behind some so slow driver” etc.
Sound familiar? You’ll have said them yourself over and over even as your driving to your destination. When you’re in that mind set, what do you find? Yip, everywhere you turn you’re getting held up … you’re finding more of what you’re looking for.
Both of those examples are what I like to call Negative Expectancy. When you’re mood is so low that you’re “drawing in / searching for” the bad luck that would match the down mood you’re in.
Now this might be a bit trickier but let’s have a go anyway, can you picture a time where your mood was so high that you expected everything to fall into wonderfully into place just for you?
Like you need to get some place by a certain time but you’re not stressing, you know you’ll make it on time … all of a sudden you get a straight run of green lights, the roads are quiet and clear, just like you were expecting.
What about the time you’re in a great mood full of positive expectancy and you find a parking space right next to the door or you get the best table at the restaurant. You’re in a great mood talking about how well things are going, you ask for the bill and the waiter informs you that the meals you ordered were on deal so you got them for a great discount. Has this ever happened to you?
There must be lots of little good things that you think coincidentally happened right at a time when you were already feeling amazing? Could it be that you were just more aware of the good things going on or in more grateful mindset?
It’s probably not a deep enough post to called it an introduction to the Law of Attraction … but you surely get the message that the more you focus on bad things the more you will find. You are telling your subconscious mind to find more of the same.
It is a hard thing to turn around as you will probably have made Negative Expectancy one of your daily habits but the good news is that you can change it. All you have to do is start looking for the good around you, build a Positive Expectancy by:
- Being grateful for what you do have, instead of angry about what you don’t.
- Celebrating your daily successes, instead of focusing on anything bad that happened.
- Actively thinking of positive outcomes, instead of negative ones.
- Talking only about people’s good traits, instead of dwelling on their flaws.
- Thinking about what you want in your life, instead of what you DON’T want in your life.
Even if you don’t understand how your subconscious works or believe in Like Attracting Like or the Law of Attraction, and you have every right to decide what you will, please be aware though that what you focus on is absolutely critical to how you feel. Doing all of the things above is vitally important to building habits that will lead to a happy mood … and here’s why.
Focusing on things you DON’T want or what went WRONG leads to:
- Picturing Bad Events
- Negative Expectancy
- Internal Turmoil
- Unwanted Stress
- Over Thinking
Focusing on what you DO want or what went RIGHT:
- Good Feelings
- Picturing Good Events
- Positive Expectancy
- Cheerful Thoughts
- Internal Calm
- Peaceful Mind
If you spend your time focusing on all the things you have and reminding yourself how lucky you are you will be more aware how truly fortunate you are. This will bring up feelings of gratitude, love, enjoyment and contentment. If you spend your time complaining about the things you don’t have, firstly you are ignoring everything you DO have and secondly, you are dwelling on all the negative feelings about LACK of something. This will bring up frustration, greed, envy and bitterness.
Believe what you will about like attracting like but whatever you do, try to stay positive … it’s for the good of your health. That one IS a choice!