Once you have minimised the negative inputs surrounding you, you will be in a position to replace these with positive inputs and start building habits of finding all the good in the world instead of all the bad. You are now free to learn techniques that will change how you see the world and instead of making you focus on things to complain about, these new techniques will build good habits of actually looking for all the good … every day, everywhere, in every situation.
Now that you’ve closed your mind to the scary news stories on TV, depressing news “highlights” replayed every hour on the radio, and all the other negative inputs that make you worry, you may find that you’re bored or don’t have as much to talk about. Don’t worry about that! As you start building your good inputs you’ll still have lots to talk about and will find interesting new things to keep yourself entertained, and more importantly you’ll be buzzing with confidence and excitement … so instead of dragging people down and passing on your worries you’ll start lifting people up with happy stories and drawing more happy upbeat people into your life.
When I was starting out the first thing I did was build a nice collection of motivational, inspiring quotes and saved them into a folder on my phone and computer to look at when I needed a lift. You may want to start with that. You’ll find lots if you search inspiring quotes on the internet and choose view by image.
The next thing I looked at was the depressing music I was listening to and replaced that with something fun and upbeat. Think along the lines of “Good Feeling”, “I Gotta Feeling” and “Hall of Fame”, anything where the message of the song is actually positive and motivating.
You can replace dark gloomy TV (news, depressing dramas, shows filled with murders / kidnapping etc) with things that leave a smile on your face (sitcoms, stand-up comedy, feel good movies). Anything that leaves you feeling better than when you started. Honestly, think about this, why would you want to watch something where you feel worse by the end than you did when you started? Choose better inputs.
This may same like a crazy idea, especially to you kids … but how about reading a book? Instead of depressing yourself looking at the fake lives people post of Facebook or other social media (you know, the life they want everyone to think they live but it’s miles from their actual real life experiences?!) for hours on end, why not find a style of book / magazine that you like reading. A good story that gets you thinking or a book suggesting more techniques ideas for building a better life (you’ll find these in the self-help section of the library!). It’s actually really relaxing and helps you chill if you sit quietly and read, you get lost in the story of the book. Learning new things from books is also an excellent confidence builder.
The last positive input I can’t recommend highly enough is watching positive / funny / inspirational videos on the internet. If you ever feel down search for inspirational video clips, there are some out there that will change your full mood in a matter of minutes. One guy I always return to is Nick Vujicic, the most inspirational guy I’ve ever seen. Before you start moaning about your life or a bit of bad fortune go watch Nick, it’ll change your whole perception. If you don’t feel like something as deep as that just search the bloopers of your favourite TV show, or clips of your favourite comedian. Experiment a little as well, try watching new comedians that link off of your initial search. There’s a whole lot of smiles and laughs waiting for you at the click of a button, use it.
- Do things you enjoy, not what you feel obliged to do
- Watch things that make you smile or laugh, not things that make you worry or sad
- If you feel down at all look at positive things to inspire you (quotes / videos)
- Listen to good, uplifting music
- Find a positive role model and learn what they do
- Let loose, don’t take yourself so serious. You’ll realise the world won’t end if you do.
You may already be able to picture someone in your life that you would consider to be positive … or you may want to give it a little more thought. Think about the people you are with that are supportive of you. When you speak about a dream or a passion they get on board with you for the journey and ask you questions, they get you talking more about something that makes you smile. Compare that to someone who has no interest in you or your passion, they will quickly dismiss your enthusiasm and direct the conversation back to them … usually to complain about something, slag other people off or make fun of you for trying to follow a “stupid” idea.
Spend time with people where you are free to be yourself with without worrying about being judged. A bit of friendly banter is acceptable and expected between friends but when you become the regular subject for jibes that take away your feeling of belonging or acceptance then they are verging on bullying. You don’t want to spend time with people that see you more as the butt of their jokes than as a true friend that they value.
Instead of spending time with those you feel “obliged” to spend time with, spend time with those you enjoy spending time with. The ones where you look forward to seeing them and after seeing them you leave with a smile on your face.
You will also know people who spend most of their time complaining about things – the weather, their parents, their bad luck, all the things they don’t have. Do not get involved, in fact I’d go as far as say avoid these people at all cost. Complaining is contagious, if you spend time with these people you will become a complainer yourself and spend all your time finding negative things in the world to moan about. Don’t be that person. If the person is someone you care about (a friend, family member etc) then I’d advise you to point out to the person, as politely as possible, that they easily find things to moan about when there is so much to be thankful for.
Spend time with the grateful people of the world. The ones that appreciate what they have and don’t begrudge you nice things (get jealous when you get something nice). A true friend and positive person will be happy for you if you get something nice, they won’t hold it against you like a negative person would.
If there are people in your life of authority that put you down or talk continually negatively about you or to you, talk to them first to see if they are aware of the problem. If things don’t change then spend as little time with them as possible. Don’t worry if avoiding these negative influences all together is not possible, by building your own self-worth we will help you realise you don’t deserve this treatment and we will build your confidence so that you take a lesser notice of these people and their words / actions will have less of an impact on your mood / self-image / self-worth and confidence.
Most importantly spend time with people that treat you well, these will be the positive people of the world. The ones that make you laugh. The ones you can be yourself around and not feel awkward or judged. The ones that you actually enjoy talking to and can be open with. The ones that bring out the best in your and show your confident personality. The ones that encourage you in whatever you are doing. The ones that don’t try to change you, they just let you be yourself.
- Positive people are easy to find if you start looking for them
- Spend time with people that add to your life experience
- Spend time with people that don’t judge you for just being yourself
- Build your confidence and self-worth so you can handle negative people better
- Avoid complainers or you will quickly become one as well
- Spend time with people that make you laugh and smile
Positive self-talk is pretty simple – if you hear yourself talking badly about yourself stop, and replace it with a compliment. If you start thinking a negative thought, catch it and replace it with something positive. It will take time to break bad habits but once you do that your confidence and self-worth will gradually increase and you’ll make the confident, caring self-talk part of your daily routine.
If you face a difficult situation, instead of thinking “I can’t handle this” or “I’m terrible at this”, repeat over to yourself in your head of out loud “I can do this, I can do this!”. You might not be successful every time but you’ll give yourself a hugely bigger chance of doing it than if you dismiss yourself immediately.
Never put yourself down or make fun of yourself. Not in casual conversations with friends, in your head while thinking or anywhere else for that matter. Each time you do you’re taking away a chunk of your self-confidence. I’m not saying swagger about like a boss talking yourself up all the time, telling everyone how amazing you are and how you’re better than them … that’s called arrogance. There’s a difference between confidence and arrogance! Confident people may have a certain presence about them, almost even a swagger but they’ll do most of the positive talk in their head so they don’t throw it in other people’s face and they never talk negatively about themselves. They use the techniques you’ll learn today to keep their self-worth high, their confidence steady, their self-image healthy and their self-belief unwavering!
- If you don’t talk nice about yourself how do you expect others to?
- Talking badly of yourself destroys confidence
- Talking positively about yourself every day builds confidence and self-worth
- Telling yourself over and over that you can achieve things will program your mind to believe it and you’ll start making more progress
- The back part of your mind believes whatever you tell it and show it (just like a computer), let it know that amazing things are possible and it’ll help you achieve them
If you missed it, for part 1 – How to BUILD a positive attitude / mood (Part 1 – What to avoid)” click here.
Final part, How to BUILD a positive attitude / mood (Part 3 – finding good all around) coming soon